Architectural trauma

This wall is one to be marveled!

I've built it to last to withstand even the most determined of hearts. 

Every time someone comes to break it down, it just stands mocking them.

In its silence it stands foreboding as if to say "its useless i will never break" 

i know its not true, but, what would happen if i did break it down and let the flood loose? If I shed the tears i hide behind my hazel eyes, 

to express whats been buried just beneath the surface of my coy smile.

Yet i cant ever seem to,

even though every ounce of my being is screaming at me to let it out.

 I have tried to, oh god have i tried to just scream out and finally cleanse my heart with the salty streams of hot emotion running down my cheeks. 

I can feel the pressure inside me, building up brick by brick, 

with nothing but my stubborn pride holding it together like mortar. 

Brick by brick the wall gets higher weighing down my soul and causing this pressure inside me.

I want to let it out, 

break this monstrosity i built out of the pain caused by careless hands

to release it with a flood of tears.

Would it destroy me?

Would i be swept up in the tidal waves and loose myself forever?

Or...

Could i swim against the current and find myself on the beaches of my conscious?

What am i afraid of? 

I can't say for sure, and yet...

I let it envelop me like a blanket that i clutch to like a child.