Are You Okay?

When you ask me,

"Are you okay?"

I want to say no,

I want to say that I'm breaking inside,

That I'm a shattered piece of this human being I used to be,

That I'm lost,

That I'm weak,

That I need your help,

That I need you-

When you ask me,

"What's wrong?"

I want to tell you everything that's happened today,

Yesterday,

This week,

This year,

This lifetime,

That's made me want to slit my wrists,

Rr put a bullet in my head,

Or tie a noose around my neck,

Or jump off a bridge and fall into sweet oblivion.

When you ask me,

"Are you okay?"

The only words that I remember how to say are,

Yes,

I'm okay,

I'm fine.

When you ask me what's wrong,

My tongue is pinned to the roof of my mouth,

My voice is no longer my own,

And the words ring hollow in my ears when I say

Nothing is wrong,  

I'm fine.

When you ask me if I'm okay,

I want to tell you everything.

But, instead,

I tell you

"I'm fine."

So next time you ask me “What’s wrong?”

Just know,

That I’m okay.