an argument for illogical thinking

i remember i learned about adhd and desire,

about how we will fall in love with anyone or anything who brings us dopamine. and that we will struggle to separate fixation from love.

i've never been quite pleased with the reduction of emotions to chemicals. half because it's unscientific: we dont really understand emotions and their intricacies. half because there is no beauty to that. 

i understand that we might be able to reduce my love and my anxiety and my hope and my anger to a cocktail of chemicals and physical reactions.

but in that very same way we can reduce Green Wheat Field with a Cypress and The Deposition from the Cross to dyed oils dried on a canvas, or reduce a november sunset to the gaseous reflections of a slowly dying sun. 

so in the same way i may reduce my affection to but a simple symptom of a disability.

i could stare into their eyes and tell them "you are a consequence of my disorder. what i feel for you is a science" 

but would i be telling the truth? 

because when i hold them in my arms every ounce of emotion in my body is more than any chemical formula or dyed oil or gaseous refraction could explain. 

i am certain that the pain of their absence transcends an explanation with theses and antitheses, premises and rejections.

just as i am certain that every hyperaroused emotion and hyperfixated obsession is borne from something deeper than a pathological understimulation of the brain.

i would stand myself up as a living proof of the failures of neurology, and as an evidence for the imprecision of the mri. 

i would place every magnum opus borne of obsession, every embrace between teenage lovers, every tear of grief and joy, in an essay entitled "in defense of a rejection of logic and reason", an essay in which i would spend more time detailing my love of curry, forests, rugby, and you than outlining any form of a thesis; because what is the point of an argument if there is no love with which to give it meaning? and so too, what is the point of reason if there is no wonder from which to derive it?