Artificial

Funny that a word that has art in it means fake

Fake friends, fake love, fake mistakes

I don’t know what to believe anymore

Artificial enemies, artificial news

Artificial old, now, and you

And you and you

What am I supposed to say, you’re gonna love me?

No, I don’t want your artificial love

I don’t want your artificial games and claims that try to maintain and rearrange what I aim to stay away from

No. Don’t you test me.

I’m this close to unashamedly attesting to re-arresting this insanity

Break me out of this insanity

The more I see, the less I want to be around it.

How could a soul feel so empty around so much life?
That’s the question I ask myself in my deepest thought

Wondering where do I go from here?

Encouraging myself daily,

Holding back the curse of a loose tongue while I struggle to find the identity in the definition of free

Purged me of what I thought I knew

Stripped of a dream

It sinks in and I don’t care how depressing it is

All I know is I want out

Not comfortable with where this is going because I’ve been here before

  And I know myself and then what I thought I knew turns into something even deeper

What is this

I’m trying to grasp this

I don’t have time for your games

Your shenanigans

Your reeling in the years

No this ain’t no steely dan

I’m not your number one fan and I’m not trying to be grasped in a choke hold of emotions that you don’t know how to comprehend

Nobody has time for this

I’m getting really agitated by your imaginary bliss

Artificial words, artificial life

Where is truth

I long for truth so much and yet I feel it’s so far away

I want to hold it, hug it, let myself fall into the arms of a real entity

How rare is the real thing these days

An antique to my dismay as I try to realize what is left that I can visualize

And all I see are lies

Disgusting bold faced lies

Facades of an ugly artificial personality

Who are you?

I’m done with this artificiality capturing the essences of what is supposed to be real

I leave it be to see what happens on a mass level and it comes back to haunt me

I want to kill it

Right between the eyes, you are my Goliath

If I’m supposed to be David I need to collect my stones

My stones of truth, hope, integrity, and wisdom

Trying to pick one that will knock some sense into this vision

Or maybe I need a boulder but in the eyes of the beholder I seem like I’m slinging hurt

And pain…I only wish this “Hurt” and “Pain” leaves no artificiality to remain

Artificial

Again I don’t know what’s real anymore

Some to laugh in the face of danger, dance in the fire, swim in the rain

Did you even exist?

I sling my pain, the wisp of the stone flies past my face

And all the artificial ones will yell disgrace

But I know my place and what to rid of in this chase

The stone hits

I drop my sling

Artificial dying, artificial screams

What is this?

I did not ask for this

I only wish to slay the giant lie of a mishandled and misguided following

Crushed beneath my feet is the anger that I wish to let out

But I refrain because anger can only fuel the fakeness

Awakening the calm before the storm

Holding back the clouds within my tears

I will not let the rain be part of my pain

I will not let the rain do justice to the fears

I am careful to keep my chin up

As much as I am done with this, my head is up

My mind is up, my eyes are fastened close to the goal of freedom from this debauchery of fake

No more artificial to come from this name and I claim the same drained dame only to reveal her and free her from this artificial world

To be free is to be integrity

Alive and dancing in the face of falsity with freedom

That’s where I end up

Enough is enough