Athens, TX: Home of the Hamburger

Let me tell you a story

Of a land far away-

A city down in Texas,

Where hamburgers were first made.

What’s the name of that place?

Well, you see,

Its name is Athens, Texas;

And this is how its name came to be.

A long time ago

When the city first arose,

Both Athena and Poseidon

Dreamed up plans to propose.

“I want to be patron of the land,”

Exclaimed Athena, proud and sure,

Until Poseidon muttered,

“But you got Athens before.”

“So?” the goddess replied,

With a holy eyebrow raised.

“So, give me this Athens,” he bartered,

“and your debt will be paid.”

“What debt!” she scoffed.

“I won Athens, Greece, fair and square.”

She was silent for a moment, then smirked.

“But we may compete again, if losing twice is enough for you to bear.”

“Bah!” Poseidon grumbled.

“I’m in, and you’re SO going down!

In fact, let’s go down there right now

and the people will decide who wears the crown.”

So, Athena and Poseidon came down to Earth,

and gathered a crowd to view

the competition to whom

the city would accrue.

Poseidon went first once more

to win the city’s praise;

he waved his magnificent trident in the air

while the people watched in a daze.

He slammed the trident into the earth

Where the ground caved in for miles.

When the smoke had cleared, the people saw

A lake sprinkled with a few small isles.

Cheers sprang up through the throng

As Poseidon grinned smugly;

The land had not seen water for ages

And the dead brown grass had looked quite ugly.

“Take that, Athena!” Poseidon taunted,

Trying on his best trash talk-

“I bet you just got stunned so hard

You can barely even walk.”

“OOOOOH!” the crowd yelled in sync,

‘til Athena held up a massive hand for silence.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got a better gift… again,” she assured,

“And then you’ll know with whom to make your alliance.”

She waved her hand above the ground

And a fancy picnic table came into existence;

With a pop and a crackle a delicious smell filled the air

As the people looked curiously with persistence.

A roll of bread lay on the table-

But wait, was that meat between the bun?

“What is this?” the townspeople whispered among each other.

“Why is Athena so sure that she has won?”

For Athena was smiling in victory.

“Behold, people of Athens, behold!

I give you a new food; I call it the Hamburger,

More precious and pleasing than even gold!”

“Try it and have a taste of heaven!” Athena promised.

The crowd was quiet and afraid

Until a young boy stepped forward

His parents’ quiet orders not to move, disobeyed.

He tentatively took the burger,

And ate a small bite-

His eyes widened with wonder

And the whole thing was gone in the blink of an eye.

“Ibth DELISWOUS!” he proclaimed.

Athena beamed with pride.

“BURGERS FOR EVERYONE!” she cried with glee,

and burgers rained from the sky.

As each person tasted the hamburger

They all came to a consensus.

“ATHENA! ATHENA! ATHENA!” they screamed,

“You’re our patron for the heavenly food you’ve brought us!”

Athena turned toward Poseidon and smiled condescendingly.

“Well, it was a good game,” she sighed.

“Unfortunately, I’m just so awesome at everything

That you never should’ve even tried.”

Poseidon, in a whirlwind of fury,

refused to shake her hand.

“This ‘Athens’, Texas, will face ALL of my wrath,

For years and years without end!”

“No!” Athena commanded,

drawing herself up to full height.

“You will not torment my people.

This city shall remain out of your angry sight.”

And so, the legend goes,

This was how Athens was named.

For the hamburger they are famous,

Because Athena won the game.

While the city got to keep Lake Athens,

Poseidon took out his anger

On the rest of the state of Texas

Because he could not win Athens’ favor.

This is why Athens has hamburgers,

And a lake they were blessed with as well,

Yet the rest of Texas is hot and dry

Because of Poseidon’s spell.

Don’t believe me? See for yourself!
Look it up, it’s true,

Just Google “Athens, Texas”

And the results will surprise you.