Attention

Hey everybody

My names Mandi

And I am an addict

I'm addicted to attention

But I should probably mention

Any time I get what I crave

My hands shake

As though I just dug my own grave

I've given whole performances

Eyes front, chest out

Didn't miss a single word

If I turned slightly right

You could see manifested fright

My fingers clatter together

Awaiting

Someone to notice their tremor

I'm not scared of people

At least I don't think I am

I'm way too charismatic for that

I'm so desperate to show off

What if all I get is a cough

When I need claps and ringing praise

It's weird

Behavior is some sort of maze

Two sides, which one is real

Does it matter? Suddenly

Nihilism makes more sense

Rather than answer to the call

Introspection feels like a wall

Blocking me from understanding

Who I am

Or what inside I'm handling

So that's my addiction to attention

A balancing act of anxiety and need for approval

But, God, don't even get me started on my alcoholism