August 29, 2016

August 29^th, 2016

Life forced me to grow up when I got the call saying it’d gotten so bad that you even talk anymore

Life forced me to grow up when we rushed to the hospital to see you unable to remember your last name, nonetheless, what year it was

Life forced me to grow up when the doctors announced that your breast cancer had spread through your lungs and brain

Life forced me to grow up when those same doctors told us that you’d be lucky to live until the end of the month

Life forced me to grow up when I realized that you were only fifty-five 

Life forced me to grow up when I sat by your bedside every day, day in and day out, for the next seven months

Life forced me to grow up when you could no longer eat solid foods and couldn’t pick up a fork or spoon even if you tried

Life forced me to grow up when I watched the strongest woman I’d ever met deteriorate before my eyes

Life forced me to grow up when your smile began to sink into your face as you lost teeth and all of the weight from your face vanished 

Life forced me to grow up when you could no longer bathe yourself or stand up to go to the bathroom an army of nurses helping you

Life forced me to grow up when you told me you were tired of fighting and would let the disease run its course

Life forced me to grow up when I pleaded with tears in my eyes for you to at least hold on until your birthday

Life forced me to grow up when the nurses called more and more frequently in the wee hours of the mornings and all throughout the nights

Life forced me to grow up when I got the call at eleven-fifteen pm on August 28, 2016

Life forced me to grow up when the nurses told me to “come right now to say your goodbyes… she won’t be here tomorrow”

Life forced me to grow up when I had to put on my big girl panties to come sit with you so that you didn’t leave this life alone

Life forced me to grow up when I held your hand while you were unresponsive with a gazed stare and loud rattle in your chest as you struggled to breath

Life forced me to grow up when I was there to hear you take your last breath and the rattling ceased at one twenty-seven in the morning

August 29^th, 2016

This was the day that changed my life forever

 This was day that I felt the deepest pain I’d ever experienced

This was the day that I had to tell your thirteen-year-old son that his mother died last night… two weeks before his birthday and his first day of high school

This was the day that made me go through your belongings and pictures alone because your sisters and aunts weren’t strong enough to do so

This was the day that made getting a full night of sleep nearly impossible

 This was the day that made me beg and plead for strength every night as I prayed with tears falling down my face

This was the day that I realized that you won’t get the chance to come to my graduation, or my move-in day in college, or my wedding…

This was the day that sparked a long period of depression that I never imagined that little ole me would ever experience

This was the day that I lost myself

This was the day that I realized the little girl who held her head high and spread love and positivity was gone

This was the day that that little girl with ponytails and braces died along with you

August 29^th, 2016

From that day forward began to appreciate every day of life because you showed me how death isn’t only for “old people”

From that day forward I learned the importance of family and supporting one another

From that day forward I learned that a relationship with God is more than just going to church once a week

From that day forward I’ve been committed to becoming a neurosurgeon to study and help people with situations similar to yours

From that day forward I learned the process of grief and how it takes a toll on someone both physically and mentally

From that day forward I matured and I’m thankful for every lesson learned since you left

Life doesn’t always let you grow up at your own pace...

and I thank you for teaching me that,

August 29^th, 2016