The Autopsy Lab

On a frigid fall day, my Med Tech teacher, Ms.Ebmeyer, took my class down into the basement of University of Bridgeport Liberal Arts Hall. We walked down a hallway packed with  a menagerie of classrooms to arrive at an unassuming room, the anatomy laboratory. The door leads into a small lobby, with a sign posted on a wall confirming that this room was, indeed, the gateway to the cadaver lab. As I entered this room, a sense of dread washed over me.

The room was grey with pillars jutting out of the patterned floor tiles. A series of slanted, stainless steel tables with black body bags on top of them were spaced throughout the room. The suffocating smell of formaldehyde penetrated the air. As I put on my lab coat and walked over to one of the tables, I was incredibly anxious. A cadaver was on the table. Its face and lower torso were covered up with gauze. The skin of the chest was cut into four segments, which were still attached to the sides. The anatomy doctor then moved the skin and the front part of the rib cage to the side to reveal a beige body cavity with all the major organs in their correct places, but disconnected from the body. All the organs looked drained and depressed, as if they had never been alive to begin with.

As I was looking at this former human opened up and dissected, I had this weird feeling, as if my eyes were like a camera that can't take any more pictures because its memory is full. I felt a connection with the cadaver; but I constantly kept forgetting it had been a person, even though I knew it was real. It was right in front of me, but my mind kept telling me it was just another model or picture in a textbook. At this point, I felt a great pain building behind my eyes. I couldn't look at the cadaver for too long without hurting. I wasn’t grossed out. I had cleaned fish tanks full of feces and dissected fish without even flinching. This was a feeling on a whole other level. I knew what I was getting into when I signed up to go on the trip, but the reality was so much more. It was hard to process all the thoughts rushing through my head. Then my classmate, Aimee, pulled out me of my headspace by handing me a human heart. Before I could say anything, she placed it into my open, gloved hands. I was both confused and amazed at the same time. The organ that keeps us going every single day of our lives until we die was in my hand. I started to think about whose heart this was. Did it fail to keep him alive? Did he die because it couldn't do its job? Or was it another body part that failed? The liver, kidneys, or brain?

I have dealt with ADHD and intense attention deficit, so was my body already failing me? These neurological issues bring down my grades and make it harder for me to do writing assignments and math, making school an uphill battle. However, in that moment, I realized that these disabilities don't hold me back, but teach me how to work hard and persevere. I know that pushing myself by taking a harder class is sometimes better than getting a sure-fire A in an easier class. Consequently, my struggles have taught me how to be a better student. Going to this lab pushed me toward the field I want to study. Biology has always interested me, whether dinosaurs or sharks at age 10, lobster farming at 16, or, blood transfusions at age 18. This field trip  bolstered my desire to be a biologist. I love that it is a field with so many fascinating options to choose from.