To Autumn

305, 280 minutes until our sisterhood changes,

when I remember life without my youngest teacher,

and you begin to experience life,

without your older sister.

For the first time in 10 years, 

I'll forget my childhood innocence and joy,

because you're the one who taught me them,

and life without you means leaving them behind.

212 days to spend together,

where the clock turns slow with your constant pestering, 

and the hands quicken their pace,

with the reminders of my distant self from years past.

And with those reminders comes the overdue belief,

that Santa gives presents and wishes on stars come true,

and the only way to secure pinky promises is with kisses on our thumbs; 

all the teachings of a 10 year old girl who still believes.

30 weeks left until no more fights,

because you won't accept my grief or sadness,

over losing a loved one,

all because you'd prefer to keep your happiness.

But with the absence of those fights,

comes the absence of what you taught me,

that we only mean to better each other,

and never mean the harsh things we say.

3 holidays left where I suffer through my anxiety,

hiding from family in hopes of not panicking,

and you come in with your bright eyes and smile,

and guide me through better than anyone else could.

You always told me you wanted to be a teacher,

even after all this time,

but did you ever realize that, for me, 

you'd already become one?

5,088 hours until I'm gone,

and I leave behind you at 10 years old,

the girl who shares half my blood,

who is everything I am, plus so much more.

You, the girl named for Fall,

who inspired my passion because you believed it's okay to love what I love,

who taught me to let out my inner child,

who I leave behind in 7 months.

Though you will no longer be my teacher, 

I will keep you with me always, because you'll always be my sister.