Autumn Smoke

When I think of you, I think of crisp orange withered fall leaves..

I think of change in the air, the cold smell of autumns bloom

I think of freedom, fun, joy and rebellion

I enjoy the way the wind would loosely flow throw my hair

The tight grip that I’ve held on to for years, finally letting go

Something that seems bad but that is yearned for and needed

I close my eyes and suddenly I’m on a merry go round

My vision is blurred, and the smell of funnel cake lures me in

I get off the ride and try to run to somewhere safe and there you are

You promise to protect me and always keep me safe

When I’m alone my thoughts and fears surround me in a layer of smoke

I almost have everything I ever wanted, but somehow, I feel like I’ve lost something in the midst

I wipe away my tears and look to the future because it feels better than the current

I knew it wouldn’t be this easy but I didn’t expect it to be this hard

You still smell like a breath of fresh air

But I now smell like teary sea salt and roses

Because somehow the smoke always gets a hold in the end

When I’m most happy and most vulnerable