Awareness

2:05am and I'm awake. 

I'm awake because I thought I could sleep through the pain.

Failing to realize, pain intrudes peace like police knocks.

What I try to get you to understand is that, I dont want to influence anybody's mood with

MY PAIN. 

Like rain on a picnic because this pain came way too quick. I was awake in a fairy tale,

now inside I'm experiencing my own personal hell.

Life hurts sometimes, LIFE JUST HURTS SOMETIMES. That's all....

And we have different ways of coping, and I'm just hoping that karma has mercy on me.

That when she smacks my face I can feel her hand print and trace the way back to that moment. Or not.

I wouldn't dare. Tears are bullets and my face is Trayvon Martin. Innocent and not understanding any of this.

I could diss. I could pout I could lose my cool and go all out. But I stay in..........And to you it's a sin but it's all I've been for a long time.

When I'm in pain I think over. Red rover, no clovers send depression right over. With every blink I sink into more reasons to be sad.

More reasons to hurt, so I could see why communicating with me seems like "digging a hole with a toothpick in the dirt."

But I remember. Can't forget. You are one of the greatest people I've EVER met.....and just like you sometimes I wish I were a wave.

That way I would be expected to behave. I could crash, and be cold and mean, and that would be it.

And quit sounds so ignorant when you've come this far, and doubt sounds so bitter when all you've done is wish on a star.

"Girl you're taking chances, giving dances from your heart, good start. But please don't dart away from this art to the past strattling the fence

pushing a buggy at Wal*Mart, you shoppin'. But sweet girl you can't keep stoppin' and hoppin' down memory lane, those things have changed.

Those things have died, fried and laid to the side, you've cried and you've laughed. You've showered and took baths. Both cleanse you.

No matter what, get clean. You're not gonna be happy all the time. Breath gets mean. You will be okay, alright, JUST FINE. You know that.

But you can't keep beating yourself up like the hits on the car of a bastard from a broken hearted woman's baseball bat. It's life. Keep going."