Az if

I remember when you said

you couldn’t love me

And at the time I was heartbroken

Beside myself with arrogant disbelief

But the truth is

I didn’t need you to love me

And perhaps I didn’t really want it either

I just needed you to be there

Because no one else was

So I cried anyway

And let you believe it was about you

Because we both know it’s what you wanted anyways

As if the growing fissures in the foundation of your own family wasn’t enough

So I let you win

I let you win again and again and again

And so did everyone else

Because no one has patience for the toddler-like tantrum that might transpire

And with every victory you wrought

A piece of yourself flew away

Never to come back

So I hope you’re happy

My almost lover

You win