Back To Back

by jessicaperry

August 11, 2013

You say you’re invested but you look far from interested

You say you care, but your presence is never there

For you I am a matter of convenience

But you consume my entire existence

I’ve finally become aware that you truly don’t care

Your negligence has become too much to bear

A relationship only works when the love is shared

I struggle to break free from your hold on my soul

You retreat from me, then delete me, then come back for more

The never ending cycle has left me bruised and sore

My mind was blind to the destruction you caused

With you by my side, feelings changed like the tides

I knew after every high there would be a low

Any progress made would be washed away later in the day

Our last fight finally set me straight

Your vanity makes it impossible to negotiate

By the end of the fight no progress was made

Unresolved problems and silence remained

Back to back- no words to be spoken

If I don’t turn first the relationship will be broken

You don’t put the effort in, why should I?

I’m better off without you

I'm not turning back

I’m tired of you thinking my life is fulfilled by your godly deliverance

Are you too blind to see my love for you has shifted towards indifference?

I’m relieved that you no longer preoccupy my mind

After your treatment, love was maligned

In your absence, my happiness has been redefined

Something wrong with this poem?

Replies are closed for this poem.

Your Poem's Voice

See what makes your poem unique — its voice, energy, themes, and the literary traditions it draws from.

Comments (1)

QVAug 14, 2013

<p>This is a good, lyrical first poem you have written (welcome to the "World of Poetry"). Concerning your poem, I see many novelties, such as internal rhymes (care/there), slant rhymes (straight/negotiate), and feminine rhymes (deliverance/indifference), elements found in music (most commonly rap or slam). My only advice about rhymes is try not to let them "control" you poem when you cannot find a word that rhymes with orange (joke). Sound (in poetics) is more important, I think, than structure or meter. Though your poem is in a confessional style, for future poems, perhaps you can "invest"in literary techniques (symbolism, imagery, etc.)? This will allow for a greater movement in your pieces, but watch out for cliches (for examples, read other poems on this site :/ ). Word choice and word order is also a powerful tool; for example the line "Are you too blind to see my love for you has shifted towards indifferences" sounds drawn out and long (you might have slow down or take a breath reading it out loud). Perhaps (and this is just a suggested example) " too blind to see love fade to indifference". First, I am assuming the "you" in the line before that was the same as the "you" in the next line, second I used an indirect metaphor to compare love to a flower (that fades). Earlier, I mentioned imagery because it is one of the characteristics of poetry than separates it from prose. I think everyone, who has loved, has suffered heartache, my question for you is "how will my heartache be different from person x or y?". Many people say "poetry is ALL about emotions", and this is true, but then why are there are good and bad poems with "emotions" behind them? Sorry for making you read all of this, I hope you will continue to write, but more importantly read poems by poets who found their voice (Bishop, Millay, Plath, etc.). Q.V.</p>