Back Then

It was way back, twas a while ago I knew this kid who could be my bro He was good kid, had a good heart Legit, we clicked, from the very start He knew God, as did I Went to a Christian school til grade 5 Then he moved and never came back And it’s been 8 years, since that. He was a good kid; he loved music Makes me think that’s why I do it. Why I write raps and work towards The days where I’m on tour Hoping one day, our paths cross As we both walk, towards the cross Yeah, although we were similar We both are different I got baggy clothes and mess with bad hoes Rap flow, you know, makin’ cents On the other hand, he’s a good boy Loves his mama, a work hard in school boy A’s, 1 B, but never see a C On his report card, working hard to be His best, no less, he has to be But everyone else, just laughs as he Talks how he talks or at the way he walks Cause he’s black, with a different personality Doesn’t cuss, doesn’t fight Loves to read, loves to write Got beat up cause his hood wasn’t up Which is why he had to leave, it was all too much But I feel for you dawg, and I’m sorry I should’ve had your back, bro I’m sorry You left somewhere, yeah you ran away And I understand but don’t know what to say I need you dawg, I’m lost here In this place that’s so unfamiliar You never gave up, stood tall and tough Should’ve had your back but I wasn’t there I wasn’t there. But I was. Infact, I was the one who pushed and shoved I hit you man, I bullied you fam, and just called it tough love You cried out, but I ignored You needed me, but I ignored Said you weren’t good enough, cause you weren’t hood enough I let you walk right out that door. And I’m sorry but I was just confused Being yelled at, with different points of views At school you have to act a certain way to be cool Yet told to be serious, what’s a boy to do?! Look, you kept me sane and I had no right I lost my focus, lost my sight Alone in my room, I think about you at night 8 years really? Dang, what’s become of my life? Looking in the mirror, I still see a resemblance A face hidden by the scars of world burned to ashes I see a character that was man-made, now that ain’t right Cause we’re all God’s children, so who am I? Insecurities, boxing in, with no means of escape Except for a tiny outlet, make the break and run away That’s what I did!!!! That what I did. I ran. And I am still running. But I’m tired. Tired of the lies. Tired of the disguise. Tired of being something that I just simply despise. Yeah I did it and I admit it. I killed who I was. The old is long gone, looking for love. I find a part of me in this craft I have learned. Still on this walk of faith through the fire and it burns. God hear me as I pray, for you are almighty By grace through faith, forgive me for hiding. I confess to you, through this process of spoken word, Poetry with a flow, to make aware of the hurt. I’ve found satisfaction here, but I’m looking for more Looking for who I am and you tell me that I’m yours. I have changed undoubtedly but who I am today Is not who I’ll become because he is still being made. And these memories never fade, they’re constant like the seasons Back then was crazy but it all happened for a reason. I’m sorry to the past Grateful for the present And excited for the future. Thank you. Amen.