Back To You

I try to find myself, but I've been lost for forever. It's like I'm going in a circle so you'd think I'd know better. I'm somewhat lost in a trance,  I can't find myself. Took 34 pills disregarding my own health. Tried to take my life, tears flooding on the phone, all alone. My mother told me to come home but I'm grown. Doctors trying to sedate me, but I'm trying too create me, green poison medicates me,  he hates me. But it's all subconscious, rolling in his covers but his words are just nonsense.  Can a promise be repaired, if so, get to fixin'. More than you deserve, let's say that I'm your vixen. You lift me to the heavens, then you bring me back to hell. Leave me all alone with these memories to tell. I've overdrafted my hope, late fees building up. When my happiness arrives, it discontinues so abrupt. Sorry to interrupt, but do you remember how we were? The smiles we used to share? We were 'us' not 'him and her'. Attached at the heart,  hips, lips and arms. Our love so intertwined,  we linked together like a charm. Something magical and beautiful like a rainbow in the spring. Inseparable we were, we flew together like two wings. Why should I have to wait for something I fully deserve?  Let me be your reason, can you show me without words? Flock together like the birds? Binge on smiles and not the purge?  I'm mentally unstable, you're my electric, give me surge. Electricute my veins, can you bring me back to life? Cut deep into my body and get rid of all my strife? They tell me that it's life so I have to get past you, but I've put in so much work so, like, do I really have to? It's happening too fast, no wait, slow down. I'm shaking, im quaking, I'm high where's the ground? I've lost my mind, have you seen it? Is it the fire? Has my happiness combusted?  Have I lost my desire. .to smile ever so freely I'm gone with the gust I can't keep my own word it's like I've lost my own trust.  What's a dedicated decision when there's love all involved? No, I don't want to, but I feel present with no cause.  On pause, I pressed play but it keeps on rewinding. The bad gets pushed aside, good thoughts all reminding. I'm not thinking clearly, this fog of a vision. These negative conclusions from these dumb ass decisions. Me caring is rare like a virgin these days. I know life isn't fair,  like I've lost the last page. All I do is sit, wonder and hope. Maybe we'll change and our days weren't a joke. I try, over again, like I always do. As much as I try, I keep coming back to you

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