Balance

I am my thoughts, regrets, curses, wishes,

hidden behind the blue eyes and placid smile.

When Sadness kisses my brain, it also kisses

my limbs, my sole, my heart.

When I sleep, Sadness appears in my dreams.

When the sun rises, Happiness hugs the Saddness away,

like an equinoctial cycle

Day and night

Day and night

They both come to visit.

I am the things I don’t say.

I am all the times when “I love you’s” should’ve been spoken,

but “How could you’s” are what came out.

I often times than not wear my mask of Resentment

instead of my mask of Forgiveness, because it’s much easier to keep gripping

the ledge than free fall into another betrayal.

Sometimes I miss being able to forgive easily

Sometimes I miss betrayal being uncommon

Sometimes I miss loving unconditionally

Sometimes I miss myself.

I am the happy smiles, daydreams, fantasies

hidden behind the blue eyes and placid smile.

I am the times where I can’t breathe because I’m laughing so hard

that all the Joy took up the room in my lungs and Air has to wait its turn.

I am the house in the suburbans that gets rained, stormed, snowed, and sleeted on,

and still stands strong.

I am the seven notebooks in my room, filled to the last page.

All the hours, hours, hours spent writing in those notebooks

are the same hours, hours, hours, that I am composed of.

I am the balance that makes my life what it is.

I am the breakdowns, breakups, breakdances,

that fill my memories.

Though they might not all be happy,

they are what makes me, me.