Balance
I am my thoughts, regrets, curses, wishes,
hidden behind the blue eyes and placid smile.
When Sadness kisses my brain, it also kisses
my limbs, my sole, my heart.
When I sleep, Sadness appears in my dreams.
When the sun rises, Happiness hugs the Saddness away,
like an equinoctial cycle
Day and night
Day and night
They both come to visit.
I am the things I don’t say.
I am all the times when “I love you’s” should’ve been spoken,
but “How could you’s” are what came out.
I often times than not wear my mask of Resentment
instead of my mask of Forgiveness, because it’s much easier to keep gripping
the ledge than free fall into another betrayal.
Sometimes I miss being able to forgive easily
Sometimes I miss betrayal being uncommon
Sometimes I miss loving unconditionally
Sometimes I miss myself.
I am the happy smiles, daydreams, fantasies
hidden behind the blue eyes and placid smile.
I am the times where I can’t breathe because I’m laughing so hard
that all the Joy took up the room in my lungs and Air has to wait its turn.
I am the house in the suburbans that gets rained, stormed, snowed, and sleeted on,
and still stands strong.
I am the seven notebooks in my room, filled to the last page.
All the hours, hours, hours spent writing in those notebooks
are the same hours, hours, hours, that I am composed of.
I am the balance that makes my life what it is.
I am the breakdowns, breakups, breakdances,
that fill my memories.
Though they might not all be happy,
they are what makes me, me.