Battle

Fighting a battle with the old me 

Not knowing who I am or what I wanna be 

Tears falling from my eyes , all because I’m lost

I bow my head and with my chunky fingers I make a cross 

A Cross from my forehead , to my chest , from my chest to my left than my right shoulder

I been weeping and crying to my god my  soldier 

I’m crying and screaming “HELP ME GOD HELP ME IM A LOST CHILD A LOST SOUL READY TO BE FOUND IM SORRY IM READY TO LIVE THE LIFE YOUUUU HAVE PLANNED FOR ME PLEASEEEEE,please help me “

Silence 

No noise , no sign ,nothing 

I began to worry I’m shaking I’m crying I’m scared he has given up on me ... 

“Please god, I don’t wanna blind no more I wanna see, I wanna see purpose the purpose you have set for me , just don’t give up on me”

I come to you my god and I pray for everyone else but the one person I lost and I miss the most IS MYSELF 

I picked up my head I looked in the mirror and I said “who am I , what’s my purpose ?”

Flashbacks began to hit me , they came hitting hard then I began to think 

Maybe I’m not lost 

Maybe this is all apart of gods plan 

Maybe there is no battle

Maybe this is me ! This is who I’m supposed to be 

Maybe my life can’t be all glitter and gold because of my purpose 

Maybe purpose isn’t some Holyfied girl 

Maybe everything I went through and I’m going throug helps me with my purpose 

My whole life I’d do WHATEVER to protect & PROVIDE for those I love 

I’ve met strangers and within 24hrs I’d love them as tho I should

I’ve giving my LAST to people I didn’t even know 

I’ve open my arms , my ears and my heart to EVERYONE IVE MET 

I love and when I love I love HARD , I know sometimes that’s what gets me hurt 

But if I turned my back on people because the way the way they look, the way they smell , or the things I’ve heard just what if I didn’t give them a CHANCE .... 

I feel as tho this battle isn’t a battle 

I feel as tho EVERY human being I’ve everrrr provided for , loved , hugged , just listened to because they NEEDED that or because they WANTED that will have HOPE they’ll eventual be fighting the battle I was fighting the battle of not knowing who they are or what their purpose is but then they’ll figure it out everyone’s purpose isn’t PERFECT 

With that being said “I AM A BIG HEARTED , BEAUTIFUL person my Purpose here on earth is to LOVE AND PROTECT” 

Because I’m the girl who thinks everyone deserves a CHANCE 

I’m the girl that even after u hurt me a billion times I’ll still love you , because I’ll think just maybe that person don’t know to love maybe that person is being treated the way they treat me so I can’t give up on anyone I ever cross paths with because what if I’m the ONLY person who hasn’t given up on them what if I’m their hope ?

No more battle I know who I am 

God I thought this big heart u gave me was a curse but it’s not it’s a blessing & I thank you for that.  

Battles over BIG HEARTED WINS I rather have a big heart rather than a bitter soul