Battle Against Fear and Self - A Letter

January 29, 2018

Dear 15-year old me,

Why are you so scared?

The future,

The past,

Are all unable to grasp who and what you are

The future is an unrelenting force, yes,

Yet also wavering,

Willing to change at a second's notice

It knows, and I know

Emptiness,

Promise,

Happiness?

All potentials in a never-ending question of

What if...

The past is a pleasant dream

Unable to alter itself

It has seen

It has done

You have endured

Those experiences are forever

And forever can way tons

A weight that drags alongside you

Ushering you to stay back,

In its cold, cold embrace

Don’t accept

Never accept

Keep moving

Allow yourself to open

Allow yourself to say yes

To look that fear in the eye and say

“You do not control me”

Control.

That is all you need.

Choice.

A wheel that lets you control where you go

Make choices

Live those choices

Allow yourself to have a choice

I know you

You know you

Let you feel you

Don’t let fear keep you still

Frozen

Wondering when

You know when

You know what

Just allow yourself to listen.

From,

The product of loss choices

18 year old you

Olivia Carrillo