Battle of Depression

battle of depression - a combination of two perspectives

it stalks … it creeps quietly, cunningly -

     then it’s right on top of you! clinging, holding on - sinking its vampire teeth deep into your soul, sucking colour out of your life

life in grayscale - all the colours lost

lost - is what i am

i am afraid

i am numb

i am the darkness in your soul

the lack of control, 

sucking joy out of life, sucking life out of joy;

i am the lifeless drag of your heels as you walk through your day,

i am the aimless feeling as you go on your way,

i am the giving up, 

i am the cannot care

i am depression!

fatigue settles like dust - clogging my pores…always present 

as night after night 

when i turn off the light 

my mind wakes up more 

and i tell myself to sleep 

and i DON’T

i stare at the ceiling

weighed down by this feeling ... of drowning in uncried tears, 

because 

  nothing comes from tears spilled on your pillow that feels like a brick under your head 

wont’ it be better if i were dead….

i am what curls you into a ball

foetal position against the wall

i see you stumble and crumble and fall

…and i laugh! 

quietly i stalk, cunningly i creep - my ice fingers dragging you into the deep…

i am a whirlpool, … i am a black hole sucking you in 

you cannot break free

your new friend is meeeee!

i am depression!

god, i am in the valley of death and despair

do you not see?

do you not care?

is this the plan you have for me?

i make you scared to be with others, i make you scared to be alone,

fear grows in your body ind it grows in your mind and you have no backbone!

i am depression!

o lord, show me the way!

i’m stuck in this clay

i want to break free … 

from this foul misery

christians ask ‘are you that dim?’

don’t you know your joy is in Him?

but joy is something i cannot find

the fog of depression is clouding my mind….

a little white pill

oh sweet cipramil 

antidepressant  -

my new little friend, 

on you i depend 

to put some colour back in my day

but oh woe is me

if i forget thee

and the colours all fade back to grey

i will claw at  your mind

until you are blind

    to all the joy around you

there is no fun

there is no sun

for i am depression!

some of us cut

some of us drink

but,

further into this hole we sink

God rescue me

from this dark misery

i am drowning you see

only You can save me

(C) elizabeth herr 2016