Battle Scars

I bet you don't even know how much you've ruined my life

That's how it usually works

Boy meets girl

Messes up her mind 

and tries to hold onto her for as long as he can 

But I grew out of you 

I had someone else I was interested in

and I wasn't about to be no two-timing joke 

I don't know what to call us

I couldn't tell if we were friends or not

but when I told you I wasn't interested in a relationship, 

you totally flipped a switch

and started calling us friends 

What was that?

How did we go from me leaning on your shoulder 

from a stranger calling us a couple 

to you telling me about this girl you liked from Snapchat? 

You're so insecure

You thought that girl would judge you for wearing a face mask

Boy, that was fine! 

It could've shown her that you take your skincare seriously 

But you aren't confident in your appearance

and I couldn't stay with you 

You brought out the worst in me

I lied to my mom about where I went 

She knew better

She knew something was up

and now I'm so ashamed I didn't listen to her

I wanted freedom

and I got it

but the price I pay now is

anxiety 

tears 

fear 

embarrassment

Through you, 

I learned I deserve so much better

I deserve a man who has a job

who has a resume

who keeps track of application deadlines 

who asks me if it's okay to touch me

who listens to me and remembers what I say 

who is patient with me

When you got frustrated with me, I felt so small 

and now I'm on this long path of healing 

I'm so sick and tired of it 

You really messed me up

But I have faith that I will get through this 

and I will find someone who loves me as I am, battle scars and all