Battles of a Teen

Even though it is silent

I can’t focus from all the white noise in my head

Worrying over every little thing I can

And I precariously look over my shoulder constantly

Because I can feel the eyes in the back of their heads

That are non existent burn into my back and sides

Fearing judgment

Because I didn’t feel pretty enough yesterday so I changed my look

I suck at baking

So I don’t even attempt to powder my face

Or wrap my thighs

Because I like to feel at least a little circulation

But that doesn’t mean that I am comfortable with myself

While most girls wear Maybelline

None of their shades Fit Me

Well enough to the point that I would go through another swollen face

Rather more pain

As I rack my brain

For any confidence that I can muster up

So that I can wear a smile for the day

When you don't feel like you fit in

It isn’t easy

You think that I am proud of myself

Why do think I ask so much for feedback on what I do

It’s because I don’t have a clue

On where I fit in society

I watch from the sidelines

As yesterday’s mighty have fallen

And they mutilate their faces to fit into a tiny box

That by tomorrow will be seen by hundreds

I just want you to know

That while not all of us are the same

We all want the same thing

And not all of us can achieve that

I wish that I could wake up comfortable in my own skin

That I wasn’t so against the trends

Because while they look stupid

They still make you look cool

A constant thought is why do these people hang out with me

Is it just out of pity

Or do they actually care

Because I have trust issues

That I don’t really share

I’d rather forget that they exist

But I can’t

Because they persist

And I am still left in the darkness

I feel like I can only be me when I'm alone