The day is still branded into my memory.

It probably always will be.

The looks on people's faces, the imploding feeling in my stomach,

Even the way the light reflected off of that picture 

As you tore it off the bulletin board and stuffed it in your bag

And how the copy of that same picture I have hanging in my room

Has never quite looked the same.

I stayed there for three long years after you left us,

Fighting the ghosts that were swirling around 

In the severely over-chlorinated water,

The demons that lived in the upstairs offices

Micromanaging our lives away bit by bit,

And most of all, worst of all,

The overwhelming feeling 

That you never would have let any of this happen to us.

Not if you could help it.

I dragged my unwilling body and soul

Through countless hours of mental anguish

And, at the root of it all, a stinging and demanding heartbreak

That positively demanded to be felt. 

You had taught us all how to be a family and how to appreciate life. 

Became a second father to me and everyone else.

When you go from seeing someone every day 

To never seeing them at all

In a matter of 15 minutes

It is essentially like that person died.

Except we didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

No funeral, no flowers, no glorious send-off, celebration of your work

And all of our good times together.

Instead,

We stood, crystallized in time, and watched you walk out of the door.

Stupefied. Paralyzed. Never saw it coming. 

I was ripped from the life that I had created for myself

And thrown out into the proverbial ocean,

And the sharks were starving.

Just fourteen years old, time to grow up

And face the big bad world of adolescence 

Without the confidance of one of the people on this earth

That knew me the best.

The time eventually came where I knew I had to leave,

Get myself away from this place that held so many sacred,

Beautiful,

And horrifying memories 

All at the same time. 

I couldn't forget you if I tried; how do you erase a part of who you are?

I see you in everything that I do 

And still, almost four years later, catch myself thinking,

"Bryan would think that was funny" 

or

"That was such a Bryan face".

You were taken from us by ill-intentioned people

Entirely too early,

And although you are still living and breathing

Whenever I happen to run into you

my whole world seems to slow down and mute itself

As if I was visiting a sacred grave.

The grave of our team, our family, our lives

And the life that I used to know.