To be heard

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I want to be heard,
but I have no voice.

So many options,
but I have no choice.

17 years of this bullshit,
but its only now that I can't fit.

I see broken pieces of my moms tear stained face,
reconnecting in my mind, being put into place.

I'm sorry that I'm not who you wanted me to be,
but to be perfect in your eyes was never free.

So much pressure......So much stress......
Every midTerm......Every test....

Needed to loosen up, needed to be free.
Needed the confidence to just be me. 

And I'm sorry.

But if given the chance: Rewind;Pause;Play 
I wouldn't change what happened that day.

Every puff, puff, pass
Every bowl, every glass.

So I'm sorry,

Mom, Aunties.....everyone
You guys are great, really, all types of fun.

But it was my decision, my choice, my mistake
And I made it knowing what was at stake.

Cuz I wanted to be heard,
but you gave me no voice.

So many options,
but I had no choice.

Almost 18 years of this bullshit
and I just no longer want to fit.

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