To be "Normal"

For most of my life I wanted to be like everyone else.

The want and need got so bad I let it consume me.

The idea of being able to be "normal" for a change 

was all I wanted to be.

I always felt like an outsider,

someone that no one understood.

Like maybe I'm the "weird" kid

or that I could never be like "them"

But I let myself believe that I could.

I allowed opinions become the guide to my life

and my mind took over in the process. 

"You'll be nothing more than this"

"There's no way you'll be "normal"

But what is normal?

Just why do "I" have to be it?

Can't I become my own form of normal?

Probably not,

I already know, I don't really have to give it a shot.

Cause I'll never be them

This is me, I should expect nothing more

But to be less than them

Maybe I'm crazy?

Do I sound crazy,

for believing the opinions of others?

For letting the maybes and what ifs pass me by?

For simply giving up on me?

I was once told that I was "unique"

Whatever that means

If by unique you me "one of a kind"

You're right

There isn't a kind like me

except for me

But look.

I don't wish to stay the same 

I hate who I am

and only myself is to blame

a dark sky is my life

And I feel like it will never be clear

I can't wait for the day that it actually goes away

When I become who I wish I could be,

But it won't really be me

So by the end of my life my wish will come true

And whether you like it or not

me will no longer exist 

and the person I become will be my truth