To Be, or Not to Be?

That truly is the question, isn’t it?

Not just regarding the life or death bit;

It can be what you want to be doing,

Or not doing, like viewing, or wooing.

But in my case, it’s all about who-ing.

About who I am, who I want to be.

Should I change myself, or should I stay me?

It’s more comfy staying me, probably.

Then, I wouldn’t ever have to worry

About being scared that I won’t fit in,

That things won’t work out, and I’ll lose my grin.

I’ve tried to speak out, and it turns out wrong

And my confidence gets a lil less strong.

I fear that I don’t have that connection

And that will lead to social rejection.

So it is easier then, to keep walls

Between myself and others; keep from falls.

To keep the most important things within,

So that people won’t see under the skin.

But then, what’ll it be, stay a coward?

No courage, feeling awkward, depowered?

No, I do not want to be stuck this way.

I refuse to allow these fears to prey.

Because you know what?

I will not stay shut.

I’m tired of dealing with this issue.

So sick of it that I’d need a tissue.

Sick of going round and round in circles.

Looking for a way to jump these hurdles.

Tired of feeling like a poor victim

When instead, I need to fix this problem.

I know I can’t wait, expect someone’s help.

I need to push forward and change myself.

It really is “to be, or not to be”

If I'm "to be", from these chains I'll feel free.  

If “not to be”, I’ll stay sad, unhappy.

But if I can break down the walls between

Maybe I’ll stop being an angst-y teen.

And I’ll finally get into the club.

How to go about this? “Aye, there’s the rub.”

To change, I don’t even know where to start.

But don’t take that to mean I don’t have heart.

Because I have hope; I refuse to mope.

In the end, I will climb up this tall slope.

So from here on out, well, what do I do?

I don’t know; I’ll just have to see this through.