The Beach

by Jordan Johnson

June 29, 2013

I shake and I'm scared

as I sit there

in that old hospital chair

not being able to do anything but stare.

I hold my mother's hand

feel her heart beat going mad.

I wish I was playing in the sand

I wish everyone wasn't so sad.

Dad looks worried

with my little sister on his lap.

he'd stay strong, surely,

Dad was no sap.

Brother would be there

through the whole thing, I knew

he would keep me laughing,

his way of saying "I love you."

The nurse walks in

but her face, I can't read.

So i wait for words

because none, I can see.

She whispers, "it's true"

and my heart breaks.

it crumbled in two,

the whole world quakes.

My mom looked at my dad,

tears stinging their eyes.

Everyone looked so sad

they made no effort to use a disguise.

but, me, I stood frozen.

No words out of my mouth.

At one point i tried,

but just none came out.

The docter then came

telling us the plan.

he was talking to me

and kept caringly touching my hand.

The car ride was silent

we all stared outside

because no one was ready

to ever say goodbye.

at first, I cried

and felt sorry for myself

I complained for days

convinced myself I was in hell.

But soon I realized

I could stay tough

I realized if God did this

He wouldn't give me more thanenough.

So i prayed

I kept moving

I kept faith

Keeping my faith was almost soothing.

Then, one day,

for the first time I was afraid

I sobbed out in tears

to see my hair where I laid.

it fell out as time dragged

i became bald.

i tried to be happy

but my problem was far from solved.

i felt ugly and weak

i wanted to break all the mirrors

i couldnt even speak

my lost hair confirmed all my fears.

i had to keep going,

i couldnt quit now.

God would help me throug this

some way, somehow.

I grew weaker, lost strength.

in body and in mind

I couldnt do much by myself

No matter how hard i tried.

But every day,

my heart grew stronger.

I had courage and hope

that I'd last a little longer.

Before I slept,

no matter the time of day

I'd close my eyes and whisper

I'd close my eyes and pray.

"Dear God, give me strength

for just one more day.

Keep me breathing long enough

to tell them what i want to say."

But, just in case,

God felt I needed to go home,

in my cabinet in my room

I kept a little note.

Only I had read it,

written it out of love.

I hoped no one would ever have to see it

I hoped I'd stay tough.

As months went on,

I still stayed strong.

though sometimes the pain

was almost too much to take.

Family and friends

consumed me with love

with gifts and money

and kisses and hugs.

One day the doctor told me

that if I kept it up

I could go to the beach

that I could leave.

Don't get me wrong

i tried really hard.

but the angels were singing

my goodbye song.

I didn't want to go,

I didn't want to leave.

I wanted to stay here,

I wanted to be healthy.

I wanted to hug my mom,

tell her I love her.

I wanted to sing her my song

I wanted to tell her not to grow sour.

I wanted to tell everyone

it would be alright.

I would fill them with love

because that little note just wasn't enough.

but, most of all,

out of anything

I wanted to be free

and play on the beach.

But my strength was slipping

it was time to go.

And suddenly i didn't feel so bad

it was just time to go home.

He took away the pain,

my body no longer ached.

I was happy, I was healthy

My smile no longer fake.

I sent love

down to my family

I told them to be tough

and to remember me

and the note was full of words

that caused a great deal of hurt.

I could read it on their faces

their tears leaving traces.

Mom, I love you

just so you know.

No matter the number of fights,

you'll always be my hero.

Dad, the lost years

have gone in the past

the past tears are done

all burned to ash.

Siblings, I love you

keep moving on.

Never giveup

always stay strong.

Friends, I thank you

for comforting me.

I promise I'll be your angel

when it's time to leave.

God took my hand,

He let me leave.

and I got my sand,

so watch for me..

on the beach.

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