A Beautiful Nightmare

I am taking off my diamonds,

The emerald mask you gave me to wear

To hide the hurt you left behind,

            The hole you left behind.

I am letting all my old scars show.

The ropes you spun from false words and promises

That you tied my heart up with

Left deep burns I cannot heal

That bleed out your promises:

The promise you'd stay no matter what;

The promise you'd never leave;

The promise you'd never give up on me;

You promised you'd never give up on us.

But your words held no weight,

                                No truth...

So light that my gasps as I cried blew them away.

                                      I cried,

Letting out tears that burned with hate:

Hate towards you for hurting me;

Hate towards me for letting you hurt me,

For breaking down my walls and letting you into my heart,

                                                                   Into my mind,

                                                                   Into my soul,

                                                  Letting you tear me apart from the inside out,

Cutting so deeply that the scars showed up on my skin.

I let you in.

I let it happen.

And that's all I can do:

                                   Blame myself

Because you weren't here to take the blame,

                                                                    Wear it like a poisoned crown.

No, you were gone:

A month of lovely silence

Where I could dream of you coming back and then...

                                                                      Then...

                                                                      Then I saw those messages from you

                                                      To another of equal beauty,

                       Confessing that she was taking my place.

"Keep him," I said.

"Screw him," I thought.

All boys are alike: cheaters,

                            Players,

                            Going through girls like they go through thoughts:

               Treasure one for a moment

Only to break it and move on.

You ripped my heart out with love

                                                     And killed it with silence,

Filling the hole with all-consuming thoughts of what once was,

                              Sick dreams of what could have been.

And I bled for you with tears

                                   And heartache

You apologized,

Drowned me in I'm sorrys

But it was only salt in the wound,

Burning so that I cried in my dreams,

            So that my heart withered when you were with her

And now I'm right back

                    Standing, delusional, by your side,

                    Wondering:

Will you leave again?

You say never,

       Claim I am your everything,

                        Your Juliet.

But my scars are still here;

I can feel them on my heart,

                       On my skin,

                       On my mind,

                       On my trust for you.

I remember everything

  Forget nothing:

How special you said she was;

How special you said I was.

You were supposed to be different,

                                        A dream unlike anything else.

But you weren't even close;

                                           A beautiful nightmare,

Full of sweet lies,

          False love,

          Broken hearts,

          Diamonds,

         And an emerald mask.

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