Because of Her

Every time she is here

I never know what to do

It's hard to feel anything

Because it's just so wrong

You chose her

And then you pushed me aside

Ever so slightly

Somehow you are still a part of my little world 

In the moonlight I still see your cheesy smile when I make you laugh

Everyday I see how the sun brightens your everything

Your darling little face

Your perfect light blue eyes

I can't even look at you when she is here

Your always ten times cuter 

But I always hurt when I realize that it's all for her

The moment you arrive

I'm afraid she'll see the guilt ooze out of me

She'll catch me staring

She'll realize my attempts to hide from her

But you won't see what I'm really doing

I'm making sure that I won't ruin things for you 

I'll say the wrong thing that'll scare her away

I'll say something that will hurt you

I'll end up saying that you love me too

Even though I'm sure that's not true 

It's hard to find the truth 

Especially when you still pin me down and tickle me

Or when you let me hide in your chest during our weekly scary movies

It's the worst when we are on opposite sides of the bed and take a nap together

I wait for you to sleep so I could see your face

Just so pure and beautiful

Your breathing is soft and gentle

It's wrong for me to feel this way

But I put up with all of this 

Because I Love You

But it's also good when she is here

Eventually she pulls back the curtains

I realize that it's all an illusion

That I don't really love you

I just think I deserve some kind of love

That I long for someone's affection

This is when I realize my self worth

That I want a man that is more than his looks

That I want someone that can prove his self worth

I don't need a person that hangs around but longs for another

I need to be loved

Faithfully

Not in some messed up way

unsure swaying that keeps going back and forth

I don't need really need you

I need to find my own happiness

I need someone that will hold me tight when I'm scared

I need someone to choose me 

I need someone that will be there for me 

Because You Don't Love Me