"because to him I am nothing”

I am strong-

I mutter this chant incessantly through my head and

I wonder now if I will ever be able to bear the burden of my own brokenness.

The walls that I have built around my calloused heart are high

too high for me to even see

miles, an infinity of stone and

if you were to ever reach the top it would

be laced with barbed wire and signs that said

beware because she does not know even the things she pretends to, so

when I saw you...

a seemingly familiar beating resounded through

the cavern of my ribcage and

it’s not as much a stranger 

as it is a really old friend that

I no longer know how to greet.

my hands are tingling and 

you don’t even waste the second it takes

to say my name

because you 

don’t understand the

earth shattering, soul shaking renovations that are

happening inside of me

every time your eyes meet mine a block of icy stone comes

raining down and

instead of searching the barricade

for a way in,

you pace around and

pick up the crumbling pieces,

wondering why there is trash in your path.