Because I Don't

Because I loved you, it was okay 

Okay to be diminshed

Okay to be overlooked

Okay to prioritize you over myself

Okay to be hurt, to be lost, to be stolen

But it wasn't okay to say no

It was okay for you to leave

Okay for me to find another you

With the same agressive attitude, angry parents, manipulative tendencies

It was okay to tell no one 

To spend every single second or every single day obsessed

To portray an idealized deception of perfection

To hate myself and idolize the very person making me feel this way

To give in to your blindsided notions of my flaws

To feel like making you stay was a competition where I was in second place

To continue searching for people to build, to people to spend every day fixing, 

while they broke you down themselves.

Because I don't love you

I know its not okay

To be okay is to be loved and equally love in return

To love yourself

To love your family

To love someone who exists, glows, and deserves your love

To be happy

To be accepted

To rely on yourself as an independent, powerful, beautiful woman

To understand trust

To be given flowers instead of having a sacred one stolen

To recieve an open held out had, instead of a tight clenched fist

To hold your head high, to be vulnerable, comfortable, and magnificent

To be in love because you see the devine traits a person portrays,

not because you are dependent on their every last breath

To let people walk away

Because I don't love you, I love me

I love me.