Because I Love Me

look at me

not my face

but my insides

what do you see?

a girl who’s gentle and kind

who cares for everything in her way

a girl in love with all things good

who follows Christ’s light always

because she loves Him

with all her heart mind and soul

in every new place I’m guided

I find friendship in all beings

I care for anyone and everyone

I attract hurting souls

and we help heal each other

one

however

caught me off guard

because he opened his soul

to anyone who would take the time

to look

not at his insides

but his eyes

his eyes

those eyes that swallowed the entire sky

every constellation

every drop of the ocean

I was lost

drowned

in his eyes

and as I sank below the surface

learning his life and purpose

I found his demons on the way

who pulled me to the dark abyss

where his true self lay

every ocean has its basin

and with pain

like a weight padlocked to my feet

I quickly found his

but as we both were trapped by darkness

he shared with me his secrets for escape

he showed me his hidden higher worlds

whose passwords were pain

and keys were

a puff of smoke

a little powder

a quick injection

but because I loved so deeply

I could not see he

did no help but only harm

I always thought

because I love you I will not leave you

but he did not try to change

he did not want to change

he only fed me more chemicals

finally after one time

when the haze cleared my mind

did I think

look at me

not my face

but my insides

what do you see?

a girl addicted to imaginary worlds

conquered by evil

who cares for only one being

and it’s not herself

or God

a girl who’s put all her strength in him

every ounce of her being has gone to him

Why?

because I love him

Why?

and when I couldn’t answer that

I put down the needle

I unlocked my feet

I swam upward to the surface

I knew my purpose

because I looked at me

not my face

but my insides

and I don’t like what I see

so I’ll change

Why?

because I love me