Your words. They said I love you, but your actions screamed so loudly that they drowned out any indication that those words might even hold some truth. Deafening. My ears closed to the countless appeals to rid myself of the poison that was forced inside me day after day, it was my drug and I couldn’t get enough. You. You were my drug and I was addicted to the attentive high. A loveless but attentive “Hi”, which was the extent of any conversation and I settled. High off your “Hi”. Years and years of the clouds of excuses: “I yelled at you because I love you. I tore down your character because I love you. It's all because I love you.” I inhaled those very excuses until my lungs burst unable to take the pressure. Suffocation. I needed air.
Compassion, truth, understanding. I was denied. For myself, I must utter the most painful goodbye of my life. Because I love me.