Because I Love You...

by ShaianaPagan

October 1, 2017

Because I Love You, but not really,

I will slip my hands into your mind,

Your Heart,

Your Soul,

Your Body,

And I will slowly destroy everything that makes you,

You.

Because I Love You, well I think I do,

I will take you under my wing,

Like a bird takes its’ hatchlings,

And I will teach you all my ways,

Good and bad,

I will feed you lies that you cry so desperately for,

But devour so hungrily.

“I love you”,

“I want you”,

“We are forever”,

Until that moment when I have no need for you,

I will cast you from the nest,

The place you called home,

The place you felt safe,

The time where I fed you the lies,

That I loved you, well I thought I did.

Because I Love You, but not all of you,

I will manipulate your beliefs,

Turn my truths to your truths,

I will drain every ounce of value you give yourself,

Until I’ve softened your confidence to clay,

But don’t cry love,

No,

When I am done with you,

You will think and act exactly like I want you to.

You will please Me,

Obey Me,

Succumb to ONLY Me,

Because that is all the extent of your worth,

Because I love you, but not all of you.

Because I Love You, all of you belongs to me,

Every inch of ivory skin,

Every pulse of your heart,

Hell, you could even say your life is mine.

Please don’t be afraid love,

Be grateful my watchful eyes will never wander from you,

Thank me for all the lovely bruised marks you hide on your skin,

They are all signs of my love,

My Possession.

Are they tears of pain?

I’m so sorry love,

I promise it won’t happen again.

But it will.

I won’t ever change.

Other eyes watch you too,

Eyes that I don’t want there,

So I will mark you with my love,

My Possession,

Because I Love You, all of you belongs to me.

Because I Love You, and she’s just a friend,

Just a friend I bang when I can’t get enough out of you.

But I’m ANGRY,

Your suspicion,

Your mistrust,

Why all the questions love, why all the interrogations?

You don’t need to see my phone,

If you really loved me you’d trust me…

There, that’s better,

Oh and before I forget love,

I’m going to be a little from work tonight,

Because I Love You, and she’s just a friend.

Because I Love You, I Love You,

It’s a phrase all women chase,

It’s a stupid idea implanted by all the stupid princess movies,

The happiness,

The loyalty,

The unity,

The Love.

That stupid ass idea that we all chase so desperately,

We ignore those odd late texts on his phone,

We believe he won’t raise his hand at us again,

We think he really cares when his only focus is a destination is really a few feet south from our heads,

And no honey I don’t mean your heart.

We let our self-love and respect diminish to dust,

We pretend that hollow feeling is from the lack of his presence,

When it’s the lack of what he took.

Your identity love, where is it?

Your trust love, where is it?

The ring love, where is it?

Your virginity love, did he take it?

Because I Love You, did he mean it?

But STILL,

STILL women,

We chase on,

And even if we have moved on from That Man,

We’ve still latched on to the next insensitive, selfish, immature boy/girl our heart ever so faintly throbs for,

Because I Love You, I Love You,

Is still the simplest thing we can ever yearn for.

However,

One day He/She will arrive.

Because I Love You, and it is real,

I will uphold my vows,

Long before we stand at the altar together.

I will endure your pains with you,

I will help you recreate whatever parts of yourself were taken before you met me,

I will be the strength you need when you are weary,

I will hold you close when you thrash and scream in pain from all your scars,

All your imperfectly beautiful scars,

Because I Love You, and it is real.

Because I Love You, and I will never go,

I will be a person of my word,

I will be understanding of your mistrust,

I will except your past,

I will respect everything about you from your brilliant mind,

To your uniquely created soul,

And I will move at any pace you need,

Because I Love You, and I will never go.

Because I Love You, just because,

I crave your smile,

Your warmth,

All of your ways good and bad because they are you.

I will surprise you,

Whether it be with gifts or hugs,

Or with open lectures about all your wonderful qualities,

I will pursue things just for your happiness,

I will become selfless,

Because I Love You, just because.

Because I love You, but I love myself,

I will never raise my hand at you in anger,

And if I raise my voice, I will admit my wrongs,

And beg for forgiveness.

I will sacrifice for you time and time again,

But I will not let myself be taken advantage of in any way.

I will care for myself independently, but then for you as well,

Because in my eyes we are one,

Because I love you, but I love myself.

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Comments (2)

Kripsa_The_HipstaNov 1, 2017

“Because I Love You”The phrase becomes an utterance of sortsA phrase when heard leaves remorseIn my earsIt becomes harder for me to hear And believeWhen your father yells and then tells youThat it is Because He Loves YouYou’ll realize that isnt trueThe first time your lover screams in your faceAnd hits youAnd the bruises make you feel like a disgraceBut how were you to know? All your life youve been told that people are violent Because they Love You.  Suddenly those words become an excuse“Because I Love You” is the reason he will useWhen he wants sex over substanceCommunication under abusive consumption“I Love You So Much I Can’t Wait” You’ll realize that isn’t true The first time he makes your body feel like an objectYou feel you can’t objectHow could you you reject? All this time you’ve been told by him that people want to have sexBecause they Love You.  Suddenly love is part of the debatesAnd when you fight the only argument he can makeWhen he lies Is that he couldn’t stand the thought of The TruthHurting you “ I didn’t tell you…”,He whispers with lips thin as daggers His hands reach out to touch youAnd cut you with surgical scissor blades“Because I Love You”And you realize it isn’t trueWhen you feel fear when you ask for the truthAnd he brings china doll tears to his eyes,Like clockwork they fall and soak into your hair And the words roll off his lips like thick poison“Why don’t you trust me?”  Manipulation feels like an open wound,  And he drains you And drains you  And drains you To fill up his empty veinsAnd empty you  of everythingBut that is not Love  I speak from experience If he cries when you tell him no,If he uses tears to take off your clothesIf he sighs when you ask for the truthIf he lies about where he was last nightIf he raises his fist in a threat to hit youIf he shouts and screams to drown out your voice The first time he breaks the promise I won’t do that againThe first time he makes sex feel like sinOr bruises the tabernacle your soul resides inThe first time he throws a pan across the room And makes you sweep up his mental mess with your heart like it is a broom Leave Him He doesnt love you A real man tells you he loves youWiith more than just three words. He does not use them as an excuse He does not use them to justify abuseOr cover the trail of lies he leavesOther phrases are in his passionate lexiconTo him you are a goddess of which he is not worthyHe tells you he loves you and it reads like a storyWhen he speaks to you the words are implieAnd you realize It is in his eyesAnd his voiceHe respects every choiceHe never raises his voiceHe asks to kiss you even after the millionth kissBecause your body is yours and not his. Love isn’t a drug it’s a choiceIts a quiet voice  “Are you Okay?”“How was your Day?”Lips that taste like liquor lieBut love tastes like freedomAnd it doesn’t dieLove is calling someone exquisiteBefore you call them beautifulLove isn’t a feeling it is a choiceNow you know…A healthy relationship isn’t measured by the amount of sex, The number of kisses, The amount of breathes you takeOr the amount of mistakes you forgave,A healthy relationship isn’t measureable It overflowsIt growsIt encourageAnd that showsBecause fifty years from now when your hair is grayYou’ll look into your lovers eyes and say, “I never once questioned your eyesYou Never Lied,you never priedYou always wiped away my tears when I criedYou pushed me to be the fullest I could BeYou never wanted me to change, You wanted me for meYou never raised a voice or a hand, And that may be hard for you to understand,But when you’ve lived your whole life being told the wrong version of loveAnd you finally realize,  People accept you for who you areEvery flaw, Every mark,and make the choice everydayTo stay…..” “Because They Love You”

JennieAguileraOct 2, 2017

This poem is so beautiful. I mean, really, in every way. The transitions, the repititions, the emotions, the stories being told, the everything. I can hear this poem people told, a heartbreak, a change, a self discovery of loving and loving one's self. Incredible work, honestly. I am amazed.

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