Because I love you

by cloetheclarinet

October 15, 2017

weed, speed, feeling the need

drugs, rug, dad's starting to bleed

push, shush, quiet please

Keeping us together

but you always leave

shadows, dark, I see you in my dreams

Broken, disfigured, your still the same

coming back, and leaving again, that was your game

You broke me apart

and threw me into the flames

then you lit your joint

and smothered my pain

What is it anyway?

Seven years, you've been away

do you even know me?

I've changed

I'm almost a woman

but I bet you've stayed the same

I've battled my inner demons,

but yours are still driving you insane

You heard voices in your head

you were ill

Maybe that's why you kept poping pills

Swallow

You were asleep

I was four

I was hungry

sitting on the floor

I climbed the counter

and learned to

be independent

I can't rely on anyone

except myself

I have to always be there for others

but I don't excpect them to do the same for myself

I'm used to it

You put me to it

And I'm done being sad

I'm tired of being mad

I am glad

your gone

out of my life

And it's because I love you

I still call you

Mom.

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Comments (1)

Angie SandersMay 15, 2021

Cloe it is really so sad that your dad and family have told you so much bullshit. I'm certainly not mentally ill or popping pills and doing speed. However, I do smoke weed. I can't believe you don't remember us. Play fighting in bed every night and story time. I woke you up every morning stretching you out. You would come down the stairs and say "good morning sunshine ". I never left you. your dad got rid of me because he was cheating on me with your step mother and many others. Do you remember having to call her mom as soon as he pushed me out? That's exactly what happened. The only pills I took were prescribed by a doctor. I love you and lyric so much. I think about you everyday. He would make you're life hell if I did anything. He told me so. I did what I thought was best for the both of you. I am so proud of both of you but if you truly can think back you will remember who I am. Every morning you wanted butter, Sugar, cinnamon toasted (thats what you called it)..so cute. You would help me cook shake and bake pork chops but never had to take care of yourself, even though you were always independent. I don't care what lies that family is telling you , its not at all accurate. I also saw a post that you wrote saying I was bi polar. Also inaccurate. I did not pull the wheel and try to drive us off the road. Your dad was berating me with you and lyric in the car. He then started slamming my head against the window of the car. Look at his right arm I'm sure the bite mark is still there. Thats how I stopped him and then he threw me out of the car in the middle of the street. He is a horrible person or at least he was to me and Kayla. Some of the things I've read makes me know he still is. He's an asshole. I could not do it anymore. I stayed for you but we decided to get divorced and we were moving to Arkansas away from him. We were dancing in the kitchen and he saw us and that's when he decided he wanted you. You are never alone. I want you in my life forever but I can't be in his. You are 18 now and I would love nothing more than to have a relationship with both of you. You are truly going to have to dig down deep and remember the truth, not all the crap that you have been convinced of. I love you so much. I did what I could but once he stopped letting me talk to you I didn't know what to do. I knew if I was around he would make you miserable. He probably did anyway. I truly love you more than you know. I hope you see this