Because I Love You

Because I love you I will never stop wishing you were here and not there,

I am painfully aware that we fell off and we will never get back on.

Because I love you I understand the songs and the books and the movies,

I understand the phenomenon of tummy butterflies and 11:11 wishes and heartbreak.

Because I love you I would still cross entire oceans for you,

even though you are the one I was always drowning in.

Because I love you I will always care,

even though I’m not sure you ever did.

Because I love you I will always be invested in you,

even whenever you tell me you no longer want to be invested in me,

as if loving is a choice,

as if loving is a risk we can decide to avoid.

You held my heart in your hands and once you felt it became too heavy you tossed it away,

but because I love you I picked it up off the floor and gave it right back.

Because I love you I will always think about you,

even when we haven’t talked in eleven weeks and I swear I’m over you but I hear that song you showed me on the radio and I crumble all over again.

Because I love you I am scared of ever loving anyone else again,

for I am not certain I can bear all of this pain a second time around.

Because I love you I could not ever hate you,

my love for you is unconditional despite your endless mistakes.

Because I love you I gave you everything that I had,

despite knowing it would never be reciprocated.

Because I love you I am now left with nothing,

I am merely a shell of a girl who simply wanted you to love her back.

Because I love you I accept the fact that you wanted smooth sailing but I am a hurricane,

so I forgive you for leaving even though it is the most painful thing I have ever been through.

Because I love you I understand how easy it is to become consumed by someone else's existence and acquire a disregard for your own.

Because I love you I will make excuses for your actions,

still defend you in conversations even though you are in the wrongest of wrongs.

Because I love you I still write poems about it.

Because I love you I could never hate you,

even if every fiber in my body aches at the thought of you.

Because I love you I will always wish for your eternal happiness,

even though it feels you might have taken mine away forever.

Because I can’t silence my feelings even when they are screaming at 2:00 am that IT ISN’T FAIR!

Because I refuse to believe you are a bad person,

you are just a good person who does bad things.

I doubt I even cross your mind these days,

but because I love you your footsteps remain embedded in my brain,

and because I love you the imprint of you still covers my heart.

Because I love you,

Because I always have,

And because I always will.