Because I Love You

Because it no longers claws 
at the back of my mind.
I can sleep and the words
won't echo painfully 
when I lie in bed at night.

Because I choose
to hold your hand.
My fingers don't
curl impulsively
sensing impending 
doom.

It was the summer 
of love.But love
was just the idea
of love.It was 
the summer of hate.
Hating myself.My
name,my hair,my skin,
my nails,etc.

I bathed in the venom
that spilled from his mouth.
His compliments were the rose
petals on top.There because I 
put them there.Peacing jigsaw
compliments from semi kind
words when he said my name.

If he said breathe,I 
breathed.
Sleep,I asleep.
Change,I changed.
"Wither," he said.
So I did.
Hoping to become
the person he wanted
me to be.
 

And just when you 
think you're gone,
the fog clears.
It becomes rain.
Washes the dirt from 
your eyes.
"Stay,because I love
you,"he said.

So I left.
Stayed in the rain.
Waited for the rain
to wash away yesterday.

"Smile," he said.
"I bet I can make 
you smile."
So I laughed.
And I mean it.

I laugh because
I'm here.All 
present. He 
doesn't expect me 
change.He loves
for my flaws as well,

It's in the winter of hope.
New love covers the world
like the blanket of snow.
It's the winter of change.
Good change.
The winter of surprises.
But not that type that
come in brightly colored foil.
"Stay a little longer." I say.
"Because I love you."