Because I Love You, Do I...

Because I love you, do i?

• Ignore you when you cry - this includes but is not limited to: walking the opposite direction as i hear the first sound of a dam breaking, grief overflowing your body as you try to make yourself smaller and not picking up the phone when i see your name flash on my screen, remembering how i just told you that I didn’t want anything serious, but goddamn i love you and shouldn’t that just be enough? (i let the phone vibrate until it stops).
• Back you into a corner, make you shake when you’re afraid, make you brace your bones against your skin as you so impatiently wait for a fist, a kick, a barrage of words that hits you like bullets, leaving red pelted marks no matter how i say love you?
• Make you think you’re going crazy? I say, over and over, how you’re always looking for little things to blame on me, how you’re just being paranoid and don’t you know i love you and would never cheat on you even though I’m leaving to go my best friends house, yea the one you’re so worried about, but i promise that i’ve only got eyes for you baby?

Or

• Remind you that breathing can take some time. Loving yourself is a journey that can feel so impossible, but still i ask you why you can so easily love others and not yourself. I wonder how you don’t see yourself as human as i do. As a fully fleshed person with flaws and mistakes and warmth and soul and everything in between all those things and that you still deserve forgiveness from yourself?

The answer is...

• remind you that breathing can take some time

Because I love you, I can see for everything you are - all the shades of white, black, and color so bright it’s blinding. Because I love you, I can see anger, sadness, happiness, and serenity all swirling through you, sounding like a song when you laugh. 

Because I love you, I want to help you see it too.