Because I Love You, I Let You Leave

I text to make sure you got home safely.

I ask if you have eaten today.

I sit with you through those sappy romantic comedies you love so much

I order your food for you at restaurants because talking to the waiter makes you anxious.

I give you my sweatshirt when it’s cold outside and you forgot a jacket.

I tell you you are beautiful after you take off your makeup.

I watch your little brothers when the babysitter cancels last minute.

I hold your purse while you shop.

I try to keep you as close to me as possible.

But words get twisted

Your mind is much more complex than mine

Misinterpreted body language leads to suspicion

Suspicion leads to questions

Questions lead to confusion

Confusion leads to yelling

What I mean when I say that I don’t care

is that I care more about you than everything else going on

You are my sun

The center of my solar system

The only star in my sky

And I’m scared.

I never want to you to leave

But I want you to be safe.

I am too easily angered.

Too heavy handed.

I am afraid that I will not be able to control myself.

I help you pack up your things.

I walk you to your car.

I want you to be safe.

I say goodbye.

I let you leave.

And it is because I love you much more than anything else in this world.

It is because I love you much more than I love myself.

Yes, it is all because I love you.