My grandfather is currently diagnosed with a disease 

In which he loses his memories and forgets all that he once loved.

He lays on a bed, day and night

Surrounded by once familiar faces

panicked and anxious.

He probably wonders why we seem so sad.

He asks me "why are you here?"

I say "it's because I love you."

He apologizes for not remembering

and begins to cry.

A nurse comes and puts him to sleep.

 

The pain in my heart,

it aches but I carry on.

Then, there's you.

 

You complain about the lack of attention I show you.

You say you have too much to worry about 

and that our relationship is flooded with problems.

 

I'm passive, floating from miles away.

You shake your head and say I don't care.

How could you ever say that?

When all I did was care? 

I cared and I loved you,

till you brimmed with my love

and it began to overflow.

Now I'm dried up like a like,

with my sediments being blown away.

 

I finally let you go.

I release your hand,

but the imprint of your hand and the calluses remain.

So do the feelings.

I'm unhappy but I convince myself I did it because I love you.

That's the sort of selfless thing you do when you love someone, I guess.

You convince yourself it's the best thing to do,

when deep down, 

you're slowly dying.

Thing is, I'm not a selfless person.

 

Our song beings to play and I think of you. 

I count to ten.

Inhale.

Exhale.

It hurts.

I'm filled with sorrow,

and memories that I've desperately tried to lose.

I remind myself I did it because I loved you.

 

I think about calling you.

I hesitate.

Inhale.

Exhale.

You might not answer.

It hurts.

I'm  only human after all,

broken and cynical,

all because I loved you.

 

I still do.