Because I Love(d) You

I started out alone, down the school hallway.

No friends. Nothing but my thoughts in my own mind.

I had low self-esteem; didn’t know how to speak.

No one noticed me. Nothing but my thoughts, and you.

 

I crushed on both of your best friends, in the classroom.

No words. Nothing but my own thoughts and silence.

He spoke to me, and it drew me in to Drama Club.

No one noticed me. Nothing but watching and thinking.

 

Then you found me. I didn’t care much. You weren’t the best looking.

But you made me laugh. 

I didn’t want you to notice me. But you did.

You’d noticed me since the day I started out alone, down the school hallway.

 

You swept me off my feet. Three weeks to say I love you.

Six months to be in love with you.

Four years to get to know you.

One moment to lose you.

 

A healthy relationship was you. My best friend.

Always laughing, always happy.

Dancing with me to no music in the kitchen.

Helping me chase my dreams. You always believed. You always listened.

 

Until the day you didn’t.

 

Your relationship with your parents was sickening.

Being told you weren’t happy enough unless you were always working.

Not deserving; If you take a break you’re lazy. Keep working.

And most importantly, don’t forget your priorities.

 

I became the minority. 

 

I loved you as you fell apart. I fell apart every time you did love me.

I became depressed for six months, trying to draw you out, while falling in.

It wasn’t healthy. But it used to be.

But even healthy food has its expiration date. 

 

I had to find myself. You had to figure yourself out, too.

So I left you. I begged for you back but you never responded.

I NEEDED YOU, to be honest.

But to you, I was the one who failed. Derailed. 

 

But you were the the one who left an untraceable trail.

 

And to this day, I sit alone and cry.

Slam my wheel in my car and ask God “Why?”.

I may never know again until the day I die.

But it’s so unhealthy to live a broken life.

 

If a healthy relationship is what I seek, 

Then the only healthy relationship I need right now,

Is the one with me.

If I finally want to be free,

I have to learn to love me. 

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741