Because I love(d) you

Because I love you,

I ripped myself apart, taking my broken pieces to fill yours.

I poured everything I had to save you.

Because I love you,

I was tired, and relentless.

I did what I could.

Because I love you,

I wanted the best for you, no matter what it meant for me.

Because I love you,

I had to let you go.

I had to love myself, and loving you wasn’t that.

Because I love you,

I banged my fists on the ground like a drum

I begged and pleaded, please don't let it be real.

I never thought you would do it.

You promised. You swore.

Because I love you,

I sat at your favorite spot, I tried screaming for hours even though no sound came out.

I wondered how many times you stood there, contemplating your life.

Because I love you,

I watch the sunsets, and remember the first time you came back from the hospital.

You said to me “I would watch the sun set, the darkness fade into bright city lights. I know those are both of your favorite things.”

Because I love you,

I look at green different.

I feel you in every forest tree.

Who knew you would turn something I thought to be atrocious,

into something so calm.

Because I love you,

I pray day in and day out.

That god watches over your friends and family,

and that you watch over me.

Because I love you,

I can’t hate you for what you did.

I can’t hate myself for who you made me.

Because I love(d) you,

I always will.

I’ll keep my promise even if you didn’t.

I’ll look at green, and then look at the sky.

Because I love(d) you,

I tried to be whole again,

but when you broke the promise,

You broke me.

Because I love(d) you,

I’m trying to be okay again.

Because I love you.