because i thought i loved you

Because I thought I loved you

I let myself be hurt

My heart torn apart by your words

Because I thought I loved you

I believed you

When you said no one else could love me

When you said

I was ugly

Stupid

Fat

Disgusting

Because I thought I loved you

I poured my heart into you

I planted a seed in you and held onto it

Hoping that one day it would sprout

And that you would love me as true as the sun is to the moon

Because I thought you loved me

I went back to you

Over and over again

Like a moth flies to flame

I went back to the one who was slowly killing me

Or I was slowly killing myself

My flesh is scared with your memory

A reminder that I now I hate you

Because I learned to love myself

I learned to appreciate the way my belly folds when I sit

I learned to care for the way my eyes squint when I smile

And how my thighs rumble when I walk

Because I love myself

I know that you never loved me

You loved the control you had over me

And because I love him

I don’t miss you

I don’t ache for your attention

Or crave your affection

Because he loves me

I now know the beauty you hid from me.