Because of You, There's More Than One Me

This poem is addressed to all possibilities

To every life I thought I lived in the dented floor of my mind

I curled my body so close to the ground

And scratched at the walls so hard

That I wore away a recess in my mind

Where I could hide

I hid there from you,

Life

From you,

Fate

From you,

Friends

I hid there so long that some Other took control

She I called Matter

For my life didn't matter

She thought that her thoughts were for nought

So she never tried

She only sighed

Waiting for the day she would cease to be

When she'd take control I would panic and jump

From my corner

To fight off the haze

But another, Denial she called herself then,

Yes Denial, she stood in my way

She told me I was a baby to cry

She said I was so pathetic

She said to me, "Human," 

For that was my name,

"Human, you're really insane.

Don't you see how damn lucky and privileged you are?

Can't you se how good you have it?

You're just lazy, and stupid

How dare you complain?

What is it now, in god's name?"

So I slunk back to my corner

Feeling bad for myself

But hating that I felt that way

For Denial was right - 

Why should I think I'm worthy

To cry about how hard life is

So I let Matter reign for 3 months

Even still

I can feel her pulling on me

And Denial still guards the room she's kept in 

Letting the keys slip from her hands

Every so often

It wasn't Human who took back control

Even now, no one really is there

But Matter decided that even her role

Didn't matter, so she locked herself away

And the room with the board

That programs my being -

That dictates what Who I am -

Is empty, for I still sit in my dent

In the very back left of my brain