BED: it's eating you

Shattered, 

Into millions of glittering fragments, 

The last remnants of the dream I held onto so fiercely

I watched it fall,

Even before it happened,

That wobbling self-fulfilling prophecy

The first time was the hardest,

Heart-ripped-out-thumping-piece-of mess,

Swollen raging streaming belly of tears

Fractured ideals,

Cracked concepts,

Excrucior

Then came the monotonous black fog,

Shrouding me in its putrid mists,

Drowning me in the whirlpool of endings

But I emerged,

Glimpsing shimmers of bold hope,

Drinking in the bright sunlight through dry lashes.

And there I was,

Bare feet churning up the blistering Israeli sand,

Splashing in the soothing waters of self care

Clambering over alluring rocks,

Basking in the golden glory,

Of ordinary life and breath

But all the while the festering monster,

Was prowling in the shadows,

Pouncing when the prey realised it was too late

Turning and twisting,

Writhing,

Slipping.

Dying.

It’s plummeting again,

That dream of mine,

An athlete a scientist,

Who what where?

The icy grip of the illness,

Like a wolf’s teeth,

Sunk deep from the very start

Addiction,

That’s what I call it now,

A fiery pit of slippery snakes

Slopes,

Downwards mostly,

Leading to the same conclusion

Another treatment?

Another try?

But that urge is a tsunami not a wave fools

I keep pushing keep swimming,

I have to don’t I?

Do I?

The time is coming,

I hear it whispered on the breeze,

Change now or never,

So will it be:

Shattered,

Into millions of glittering fragments,

The last remnants of the dream I held onto so fiercely?