Beep

Beep Beep Beep

She looks disappointed. 

Theres something about the moment when your mother is disappoointed. 

It ate me up, ripped me apart, and made me feel gross and worthless, 

Like i had failed the only person who matter to you. 

Her face fades in and out,

Where am I?

A sharp pain explodes in my arm where  a clear tube and a needle have punctured my skin.

I feel my chest, trying to find my clothes,

But I am naked. 

A thin gown covers me, but I have never felt more exposed. 

Beep Beep Beep 

That noise rings in my ears and reverberates through my body. 

I shiver. 

Trying to move,

I feel like I can't. 

Soon I pads connected to wires, connected to a machine. 

Beep Beep Beep

How did I get here? 

I try to remember, but last I knew I was at my friends house. 

Mom says

"You passed out because you drank 2 full bottles of vodka"

what?

I try my hardest to remember

Beep Beep Be-

GOD THAT BEEPING! 

I can't think. 

I feel shame and discomfort.

This gown is itchy, 

where are my clothes? 

Beep Beep Beep

I am not a wild drinker. 

My friends and I dont really go to parties, 

I have-had- never been drunk before. 

But, for some reason I thought I could handle it. 

I wasnt planning on it, but it happened. 

There is no greater embarassment than having to peice together the last 10 hours with distressed phone calls to the friends who were there. 

I wasnt in control of my body, and I cant even remember what happened. 

I am too young and lead too good a life not to remember it. 

There is no worse life than a life lived under the influence. 

Beep Beep Beep