Beer bottles

You told me you loved me

pulled me of the sand sucking me down

protected my wrists with your hands so the blade couldn't reach

Then it was gone.

You told me you loved me

to use me. abuse me.

carved words on my heart deeper than the knife in my skin

"I guess this is love" I told myself

Then you left me like a beer bottle in the sand by the sea.

Life drained from the stained glass and left to be buried.

But I was washed away. Sucked down by the currents of self-hatred and regret. Swallowed by the sea called depression where tears sting in your eyes like the saltwater I was drowning in. Where you open your mouth to scream, but you're muffled by the waves of doubt and fear filling your lungs.

Sinking down.

down.

down where the lights is gone.

I closed my eyes. I didn't fight, I prayed. I prayed for death. I prayed to be miles under the sea floor where I couldn't hear the devil screaming in my ears:

"YOU WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH!"

I let the darkness consume me, gave my body to the waves and my soul to the salt. I was long gone and far too deep to be reached.

While the current pulled me under, something else began to pull me up. The moon so close to the earth whispered into my deaf ears: "You're not done."

Snatched from the depths and swept up to the foaming surface, spit out on the shore

                                                                                                                                                                           right where I had started from.

I am the sea glass you will never afford.