Before

October 19th
That's when I started to hate everything:
  My Boyfriend. School. My Family. Myself. My Life.
Things I really cared about before.
But that was before. 
Before my schitzo boyfriend became a liar. A cheater. 
Before he went from the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with  to the man I never wanted to see again.
Before I got to school one day, looked around, and got sick to my stomach. 
I realized that the bright, white lights, 
   cold, white walls
Reminded me of my second home:    The Hospital.
The other students resembled the slow "Beep, beep, beep" of the machines I am so familiar with. 
The pain I go through everyday...
When I lost hope...
Stopped caring...
Oh, but BEFORE?!
I cared...
Before my mom announced that she was pregnant with my 5th brother, and 6th sibling, 
I was excited!
...
Until I realized that I'd have another child to raise. 
Well, dammit, atleast I'd have help this time.
From the stepdad who doesn't seem to want to stay.
And the brother who refuses to take his medication. 
Hard to believe, but BEFORE,...
I cared. 
But that was before.
Before everything. 
NOW?
I'm done caring. 
Because now is now. 
Before was just...
                                         Before.