belly full of stones

for so long you've been sinking

belly full of stones

i press my lips to yours

with the notion

that breathing outward might send you upward 

but somehow

accidentally

i breathe in

the stones now lifting from your pit

our mouths connected become a bridge

your weight becomes mine 

before i can think i am sinking at your pace

watching myself fall from a surface i had been so close to touching

down

i already miss the steady black waves

down

i tug on your arm but still we sink further and we will do this for days

my limbs are flailing 

body growing numb

i bend in every direction but now which way is up

down 

i am choking down

every soul splintering word you manage to spit 

you get to the bottom and expect me to sit

and

i almost do.

i've been drowning in a nightmare

it's been a violent sleep

but as i'm stirring and shaking to wake myself free

i can feel our lips tear apart unclean 

as if unsealing a stubborn envelope 

i open my eyes

up

and though still they sting salty

i see myself no longer a prisoner of your pain

up

vision blurry i can just barely make out 

the embrace of a warm tangible surface

up

i fall in love with a sky i forgot existed

i couldn't save you

but god dammit with a belly full of stones

i will teach myself

to fly

 

 

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