Better is not a Reality

Every time it starts getting better;
something always comes along to make it worse.
Every time I start to be happier,
Someone or something gives me a reason to cry.

It's like a tidal wave of pain,
that washes over me suddenly.
With no warning, it comes crashing down -
And I feel the need to hurt myself even more.

I take the knife and lacerate my skin,
'til the blood runs and I can no longer feel
as the blade cuts in; deeper each time.
And I keep wanting to die...

There is very little holding me to this world,
and I cling to it as tight as I can.
But sometimes I can't take it anymore
and try to take my own life.

They say it gets better, they say the pain will fade.
They know nothing -
Because they don't know me.
Better - is not a reality.