Between Love and Leviticus

There is a battle inside me
Between my (guilty) conscience
And my nature
Between logic and feeling
Between head and heart
Between Scripture and hormones
Between Leviticus and love…
How is it that I live in a world and
Am part of a religion
That forsakes me for who I am?
That condemns me for thoughts and feelings
I have no control over?

And they say
It’s fiiiiine
just as long as you don’t act on it
But that doesn’t work
Because the thoughts
The feelings
The dreams
Are still there
And how do you LIVE with yourself
If you feel guilty for the thoughts that enter your head daily?
And how can you forgive yourself
Or ask forgiveness
For something you know you can’t stop doing?

But you’re completely aware of your sin
So then they call it
“Deliberate sin”
And when you announce it
By throwing parades
and wearing certain clothes
You are “living in open sin”

So what can you do?
How can you win?
How can you be happy?
Why does who you sleep with
Need to be a moral issue?
Whose business is it?

They say It’s God’s.
That you’re going to Hell for eternity
And that Hell
Consists of lakes of fire
And such dry heat
That you will writhe in pain
And BEG for just a tip of water
You will experience intense and everlasting thirst and hunger
No mercy will be shown to you

And what IF
By some crazy off chance
“They” are right
And this is where you end up
For nothing more
Than following instincts embedded in you?

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